We found this article from Enough Abuse to be incredibly informative:
Behavior Signs of Abusers
Grooming Tactics Used by Sexual Abusers
“Niceness is a decision… a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait.” - Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear (1997).
The next time you see a news story about an individual who was arrested for child sexual abuse or on child pornography charges, listen carefully to the words of neighbors and colleagues who are asked by the media for their reaction. You will often hear words like, “We are shocked. He was so nice.” or “All the kids liked him.”
Get rid of the notion that people who sexually abuse children look and act differently than you do. Individuals who sexually abuse children can be socially adept and even charming. Most are considered by those around them to be loyal friends, good employees and responsible members of the community. But remember, public appearance does not always reflect private behavior.
In a process called “grooming”, those who sexually abuse children often go to great lengths to appear trustworthy and kind, not only to the children they target and eventually victimize but also to their parents and other adults around them. Grooming a child and family gradually over time allows them to build trust and gain access to their target while appearing to be above reproach or suspicion.
Because of their skills at manipulation and deception, there is no foolproof checklist of behaviors that will definitely spot a potential child sexual abuser. Contrary to popular belief, there is no one profile which fits all abusers. This makes it very difficult to immediately distinguish them from others who interact with your kids. However, by gaining insight into the ways abusers think and the strategies they use, parents and caregivers can learn to be more vigilant in protecting their children.
Remember that these behaviors, when taken alone or together, don’t predict sexual abuse. However, according to research conducted by Stop It Now!, the behaviors described below were identified as warning signs or an indication that you may need to begin asking some questions.
Have you seen these behavioral signs in adults who interact with your children
Be careful and slow in choosing the people you allow into your family’s circle of trust and be ready to exclude someone from that circle at the first indication they might be unsafe.
The vast majority of sexual abuse (but not all) happens when adults and children are in one-on-one situations. You can reduce the risk, therefore, by reducing opportunity. Carefully consider any situation that places your child alone with an adult in an unsupervised situation. Support activities for your child that can occur in a group setting where there are several adults present. If your child must be left alone with an adult while you’re away, try to arrange for someone to drop in unexpectedly from time to time.
By letting people know that you do not take your child’s safety for granted, you send a message to abusers that your child is not an easy target.
Behavior Signs of Abusers
Grooming Tactics Used by Sexual Abusers
“Niceness is a decision… a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait.” - Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear (1997).
The next time you see a news story about an individual who was arrested for child sexual abuse or on child pornography charges, listen carefully to the words of neighbors and colleagues who are asked by the media for their reaction. You will often hear words like, “We are shocked. He was so nice.” or “All the kids liked him.”
Get rid of the notion that people who sexually abuse children look and act differently than you do. Individuals who sexually abuse children can be socially adept and even charming. Most are considered by those around them to be loyal friends, good employees and responsible members of the community. But remember, public appearance does not always reflect private behavior.
In a process called “grooming”, those who sexually abuse children often go to great lengths to appear trustworthy and kind, not only to the children they target and eventually victimize but also to their parents and other adults around them. Grooming a child and family gradually over time allows them to build trust and gain access to their target while appearing to be above reproach or suspicion.
Because of their skills at manipulation and deception, there is no foolproof checklist of behaviors that will definitely spot a potential child sexual abuser. Contrary to popular belief, there is no one profile which fits all abusers. This makes it very difficult to immediately distinguish them from others who interact with your kids. However, by gaining insight into the ways abusers think and the strategies they use, parents and caregivers can learn to be more vigilant in protecting their children.
Remember that these behaviors, when taken alone or together, don’t predict sexual abuse. However, according to research conducted by Stop It Now!, the behaviors described below were identified as warning signs or an indication that you may need to begin asking some questions.
Have you seen these behavioral signs in adults who interact with your children
- Doesn’t appear to have a regular number of adult friends and prefers to spend free time interacting with children and teenagers who are not his own;
- Finds ways to be alone with a child or teen when adults are not likely to interrupt, e.g. taking the child for a car ride, arranging a special trip, frequently offering to baby sit, etc.;
- Ignores a child’s verbal or physical cues that he or she does not want to be hugged, kissed, tickled, etc.;
- Seems to have a different special child or teen friend of a particular age or appearance from year to year;
- Doesn’t respect a child’s or teen’s privacy in the bathroom or bedroom;
- Gives a child or teen money or gifts for no particular occasion;
- Discusses or asks a child or teen to discuss sexual experiences or feelings;
- Views child pornography through tapes, photographs, magazines or the Internet. (In addition to being an important behavioral sign, possessing, viewing and/or selling child pornography is a criminal offense and should be reported.)
Be careful and slow in choosing the people you allow into your family’s circle of trust and be ready to exclude someone from that circle at the first indication they might be unsafe.
The vast majority of sexual abuse (but not all) happens when adults and children are in one-on-one situations. You can reduce the risk, therefore, by reducing opportunity. Carefully consider any situation that places your child alone with an adult in an unsupervised situation. Support activities for your child that can occur in a group setting where there are several adults present. If your child must be left alone with an adult while you’re away, try to arrange for someone to drop in unexpectedly from time to time.
By letting people know that you do not take your child’s safety for granted, you send a message to abusers that your child is not an easy target.
